Thursday, April 12, 2012

A Paramedics Guide to Lying

One of the first things you learn working as a Paramedic in EMS is that everyone is a liar. They all lie- grandma, grandpap, the street people, the junkies, the EMS managers and the politicians. The best way to beat a liar is to be a liar- hopefully this quick guide will get you started on a life long love of the art of deception.

Ready? Well let's get goin'...

  • Keep it simple- remember you're lying so the less you have to remember the better. Junkies always get caught because they can't shut up and their lies just get incredibly complex. Politicians do the same thing but for some reason we let them get away with it.

  • Don't be afraid of the silence- this kind of goes with the first rule. Just because the other person doesn't reply right away doesn't mean you have to start babbling and trying to fill in the blanks. This is another way junkies and politicians get caught- they just don't know when to stop and eventually trip themselves up.

  • Drop names- First and last names. Make them up if you have to.

  • Whenever possible quote a higher authority- here's an example that combines the name drop with the higher authority scheme- “ Andy Linquist from the committee assured us it was ok to be here.” Or- suppose someone asks-”Hey, what the hell are you doing?” , you say- “This is what they told me to do.” They in this case being the Higher Authority.

  • Practice your sincere face- a lot of people get caught lying just because they look like liars.

  • Be at ease but not too familiar- if a stranger gets too buddy buddy I suspect they're either lying or working some scam or another.

  • A big lie is as good or better than a little lie- but not too big. Too big and you either sound crazy or like a liar.

  • Don't say “Truthfully”, “Honestly”, “No I mean it, seriously...” or anything similar. That just brands you as a dirty, filthy liar. And NOBODY likes a liar.

Well, I hope that's enough to get you started. Watch and learn from all the liars you interact with everyday- but most of all- practice, practice, practice.

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